Students are taught that they need to succeed and that failure is bad. Why is it so difficult for students to understand that failure is just another step towards success? In this article, we will explore why failure feels devastating to students, why they are afraid of disappointing parents, and also discuss the role of teachers and students in preparing students to learn from mistakes and failure.
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Why Does Failure Feel So Devastating to Students?
Students are unprepared for the circumstances that may strike as they begin their academic journey.
- It is not easier to learn from mistakes.
- Sometimes failure are demoralizing for them.
- They love to think of themselves as capable and competent. Failure threatens that image.
- When people feel demoralized or incompetent, their brains stop processing new information.
- The larger the threat to their self-esteem, the more difficult it is to learn.
- Fixating on a failure makes them forget their past successes.
Why Are Students So Afraid of Disappointing Their Parents?
- Students are scared to disappoint their parents as they have got full support from them.
- They have been taught that it is not ok to disappoint parents.
- They believe that their success keeps their parents happy.
- Mistakes feel like personal failure to such students.
- Making a different choice or making a mistake means they have failed their family.
Are We Teaching Students How to Fail?
- It is important to teach students to fail effectively.
- Successful people have failed far more times than they have succeeded.
- Students should be told that mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth.
- Failure is a wonderful teacher.
- Failures are part of the process of becoming successful.
- Understand that the number of students is more than the number of seats at a prestigious institute, the majority will not be able to fulfil the dreams that they have created.
What Role Should Teachers and Colleges Play?
- Colleges can create thousands of points of human connection.
- Make sure that the distressed student is connected to appropriate help.
- They should avoid creating a false choice between well-being and academic standards.
- When a student makes an academic mistake, the institutions must separate that act from the individual.
- Colleges and teachers must make sure that a mistake does not become a verdict on a young person’s future.
- Support should become event-triggered rather than wait for students to seek help.
- Provide students with mental health support, peer networks, faculty sensitisation, crisis response, digital well-being, and career resilence.
Can Discipline and Compassion Exist Together?
- Schools and colleges should think before passing judgement and punishment.
- Behavioural autonomy and emotional intelligence are extremely important for the development of young minds.
- Understand that kids have trauma when undiagnosed, can become the cause of certain behaviours that many people see as distracting, disorienting, and disrespectful.
- In kids, trauma can show up as extreme emotional outbursts or isolation from their peers.
- Trauma is an experience that causes psychological pain or injury.
- Discipline is the ability to control yourself or other people, even in difficult situations.
- It is said that disciplined students are more likely to achieve their objectives. There are downsides to relying solely on discipline, such as burnout, perfectionism, and stress.
- Sometimes you are in a state of burnout, but you continue pushing more and more, knowing that this goes against your desire to self-care.
- Students need to practice self-compassion and accept their shortcomings and be kind when confronted with a failure. It fosters resilience and emotional stability in students. It helps students learn from their mistakes and failure.
- Discipline and compassion can exist together with accountability.
- Excessive discipline without compassion may lead to burnout and depression in students.
- During placements, students should be counselled to understand that their worth is not defined by an employer or salar package.
A Mistake Does Not Have to Define a Person
- Try separating your own goals from the fear of disappointing others.
- Understand that you can respect your parents and still have your own path.
- Don’t let guilt or family expectations affect your well-being.
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Written by Sukhjit Kaur, educator with 17+ years of experience.